Cogito ergo sum (ON HIATUS!)
by Schwarzennwolf
Summary: "I think, therefore I am" The Outsider is finally released from his imprisonment in the Void and returned back to the mortal world by no other than Billie Lurk. Where will his new regained life lead him and who will be by his side on this unusual new journey? Eventual Emsider, very slow burn and hopefully really long fic. Rating may change in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first ever try on writing in general, so don't be too mad if you see a lot of mistakes in grammar or punctuation - English is not my native language. If you, dear readers, will like this first short introduction chapter, I may proceed to write more in future - we will see how it goes.

Anyway, welcome and enjoy your reading!

xx-xx

He never truly expected this to happen, not really.

For centuries, he spent his existence watching over mortal world he no longer belonged to, seeing civilizations come and go, generations born and fade into nothingness. He saw cities being built and then destroyed by catastrophic events or wars, never really caring about humans in general. Although, there were only few, who managed to catch his attention, drawing his curiousity by unfortunate events off their lives. So he would give them His Mark to bear that would allow them to change the fate of lives however they want. He's seen it all.

 _But this?_ This was something truly unbelievable. Impossible. Unimaginable.

He was _alive. A mortal being_ – a human once again.

He inhaled deeply the salty humid air of Karnaca and almost chocked from the sheer sensation of such basic physiological act his body now needed for life. As soon as he did that, he felt extremely dizzy and had to lean on the nearest building they reappeared at after escaping the Void. Billie, who was standing right beside him, immediately caught his forearm to prevent his frail body from falling to the ground.

"Hey, easy there, take it slowly. You better sit down before you collapsed completely on me" - she told him sternly, yet he could definitely recognise the slight notes of fear and annoyance in her tone as well. The Outsider closed his eyes and nodded shortly, slowly sliding to the ground and leaning his back on the brick wall of what appeared to be an abandoned shop with living quarters located on the second floor. He swallowed hard, realising that he had slight tremors in his body from the trip they just made back to the real world. After few seconds of trying to calm down a little from the intial shock he slowly opened his eyes to see Daud's apprentice examining the surroundings, making sure nobody saw them appear out of thin air and checking for potential guard patrols.

The young man then proceeded to check his pulse to make sure he was not dreaming. The erratic heartbeat told him that he was very much awake and, apparently, experiencing what seemed to be slight panic attack. He jumped slightly when Billie placed her hand on his shoulder to get his attention.

"Can you stand and walk? By no means I want to stress you even more at the moment, but we better take a cover in that house before anyone sees us" - she crouched next to him to get to the same eye level and looked him over for any unusual signs.

"Give me a few moments, I'm still adapting slowly to the sensations" - he whispered rasply in return, placing a hand on the forehead and trying to calm down. After a few minutes, he turned a bit to support himself with both arms against the wall and started to rise slowly. Billie helped him by holding him steadily by shoulders and, after initial nod from the man as an indication that they were good to go, she wrapped one of his arms around her shoulder and hugged his torso to prevent from any incidental falling.

xXx

They entered the building from the black exit that was covered by few wooden planks and slowly made their way upstairs to find a suitable place for the Outsider to crash in. There wasn't much left as the previous owners seemed to take most of their belongings with them, but the dusty matress on the floor would do for now.

Billie helped him to lay down slowly on the soft mat and went to check out the rest of the living area. When the ex-assassin disappeared behind the door frame, The Outsider took his time to explore the feeling of the soft material underneath him. He slowly turned on his side, trying to figure out what was the most bizarre thing happening to him right now – the fact that he was lying on something besides cold stone pavement of streets from his previous life experience (memories of which he partially restored right after being freed by Daud in the very bottom of the Void), or the dozens of questions he kept asking himself in his own mind after being left on his own.

What happens next? Where should he go? Is Billie going to leave him as soon as possible because technically she owns him nothing, but quite vice versa?

His eyes widened in horror from the sudden realisation: _How is he supposed to even walk among people since almost everyone might immediately recognise him from Sokolov's paintings? More importantly: how is he going to avoid the Abbey of Everyman patrolling the streets frequently?_

He shook his head and sat up slowly, looking around. Only then he actually noticed that his companion was nowhere to be found. He was so lost in his own head that he didn't even notice her absence. Just when he was about to get up and try to find her, she returned to him with a glass of water and some small pouch in her other hand.

"Here. That's all I could find downstairs that was still more or less edible" – she handed him a pouch containing grapes and a tin of Prachett Jellied Eels inside – " The fruits should be fine since they had an actual growing plantation in the hidden yard beside the building. The previous tenants must have had a family business in making wine for local aristocracy. I wonder-..." – she stopped in mid-sentence after noticing just _what expression_ the kid had upon looking at the offered food. He was just staring at it suspiciously, like it was something surreal or it somehow managed to personally offend him. After few awkward seconds of silence she pointedly cleared her throat to get his attention, to which he sighed and looked away to stare at the corner of the room.

"My apologies," – he mumbled, his fingers clutching a bit around the bag – " I got...lost in my own head for a second by some sudden rush of memories." He pursed his lips in a thin line and finally faced her, staring dead in the eye with evident nervousness in the air around him. "What are you going to do now? I don't assume you'll be pleased to stick around me, not after everything you've already done in order to set me free. After all, it cost you everything that you loved – your old mentor, The Dreadful Wale..." he hesitated for a second to finish his sentence, but it was enough for Billie to grab him by his collar and shake him slightly, anger evident in her features.

"So this is your way of saying 'Thank you' then?" – she said and took a moment to have a couple of deep breaths to calm herself down before proceeding " You are not getting rid of me that easily, not yet. I have just an idea about what to do with you and in order to go successfully according to plan I need you to learn how to act like a normal human being once again, not only meaning the physiological aspect, but also keeping your mouth shut when necessary. Understood?"

After the affirmative short nod from a young man, she let him go and stood up. "Rule number one: _no talk about my past._ Not a single world. I may have changed my opinion about you after all I've seen, but you are not helping me by opening the fresh wounds." She crossed her arms and relaxed a little bit, seeing the genuine spark regret on his face. "Eat, drink and rest for a while. It's going to get dark soon and I need to gather some stuff from the city in order for us to at least survive for a couple of days in this hideout. This part of the district is pretty much abandoned so you don't have to worry about being found by anyone except me, of course."

She proceeded to exit the room when he called out her name.

"I'm sorry. I'm still-"

"-feeling out of space, yeah yeah. I know." She waved dismissively without turning around and disappeared behind the corner "I'll try to get back as soon as I can. Try not to push yourself too hard, brat."

The Outsider snorted at her snarky remark and returned his attention to the food and bowl of water.

 _Now THIS is going to be interesting... –_ he thought, before taking small sip and gagging a little bit in the process.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for all your reviews and comments - I really appreciate them! I corrected the mentioned mistakes in the previous chapter and finally managed to write another one, yay.

I apologise beforehand if it will take some time to update this fic as well as for any grammar mistakes you will find - life's been hard on me lately with the uni, stress and whatnot so please be patient, I'm doing my best.

I also decided to check out other works on other fandoms to see how I should improve my writing, so I'm still improving and figuring this out.

Anyway, I already said too much - welcome to the chapter 2, hope you'll enjoy your stay!

xXx

It took the Outsider at least half of an hour to finish eating one of the fruits, silencing the growing feeling of emptiness in his stomach he felt proir to entering the building. He took his time to explore the rich sweet taste of the meal, mulling over the new sensations.

He then stood up, slowly making a way around the place and exploring what has changed since his last _not quite real_ visit here. He immediatelly noticed a very old blood trail on the wooden floor that was stretching from one of the rooms on the second floor to the stairs. The door of the said room was tightly sealed with wooden planks and he could distinguish slight buzzing sound on the other side .

"Bloodflies. Of course," he mused and turned to go downstairs, recollecting the events of what happened to this household when he observed it from the Void.

It was a middle-class family of three – a married couple with small daughter. They had a business of their own in creating a home-made wine that was successful enough for the rich nobles of Karnaca to pay personal visit themselves, buying a stash of the drink for their upcoming feasts. They had a simple happy life, far from poverty and troubles.

...Until one of the rival traders broke in at night and left a bloodflies-sealed nest in the child's room.

The Outsider shuddered slightly at the memory of the Overseers dragging out completely mutilated body of infested girl out of the room along with her screeching, trashing mother who would not cooperate easily so she had to be knocked out and dragged as well.

By the time he finished his reminiscence, he reached the first floor and approached the exit to the inner yard.

The sky was slowly turning darker in shades and he could see stars starting to appear. The Outsider sat down on the porch and kept his gaze on flickering lights, trying to recognize some of the constellations.

He frowned upon thinking of a small boy who would turn his eyes skywards in silent prayers for better life and wishing that his mother would be among these stars, watching over him. Only after becoming a god-like entity in the Void he realised that the dead had a different destiny after crossing the bridge of mortal world. Some were ultimately reborn, less fortunate were stuck in the dark place of his residence for centuries cursed by all the sins and unfinished business they carried with them.

He sighed deeply, closing his eyes, remembering the voice of the last person he expected to hear and save him from the eternal nightmare.

 _Daud_.

The assassin, who dedicated the rest of his life trying to find a way to kill the Outsider for all the crimes he never caused to happen. For simply being an observant. And yet, despite his principles and ideas he held upon for so long, Billie changed his mind, being the only person the mercenary considered as a family, leading him to the path of salvation.

 _"Fascinating,"_ he though and turned his head in the direction of the sound of soft footsteps, approaching the fence. He tensed for a split second, thinking of hiding back inside until he saw the flash of red, jumping over the brick wall and landing few steps away from him.

"Feeling better I see," Billie murmured quietly, raising a brow and throwing one of the bags to his feet. "Here are some spare clothes for you to change into. We don't need any unnecessary attention in case someone sees us. Especially you, of all people."

He stared her down for a few seconds before looking inside the bag to see a couple of spare jackets, pants and boots, along with industrial-looking googles.

"Thank you. Where did yo-"

"I stole it from one of the closed stalls down the street along with some more food," she interrupted him before he could finish the question and pulled out a small bag of tobacco and smoking pipe from the inner pocket of her coat "Tell me – since you are no longer a part of the Void, does that mean that the people you marked lose their abilities, or not?" She lit up her pipe and breathed in the air deeply. After releasing a reach cloud of smoke she frowned and continued "You never marked me and I can still use magic."

"You're different, Billie. The powers I gave you _did_ come from me and as I said earlier, the Void has always been a part of you. Not to mention that you can still use your abilities because you poses a very strong magical artifact by your side," he nodded slightly to the Twin-bladed Knife fastened to her belt and immediately looked away. "The only Marked person left alive is the Empress herself and I suspect she might have felt...something at least."

He then started fidgeting with his hands nervously, avoiding the eye contact with his companion as he proceeded to explain: "When I chose a person and Mark them, they are initially bound to me. Through our connection they gain the power from the Void and after their death their spirits sometimes end up being stuck with me forever. Of course, if I happen to be... taken away from the Void one way or another, they are set free and have a chance to be reborn or find peace at last."

The silence that followed after was palpable with tense. Billie hummed in thought, processing everything he told her, before smirking and casting a sideway glance at the man. "What about Granny Rags? Did she stay in the Void with you as well?"

The mere mention of the woman's nickname made the Outsider shut his eyes tight, fighting the urge to cringe hard but failing miserably. The ex-assassin's burst of sudden laugh at his reaction didn't help at all and he had to turn his head away, blushing madly.

"Oh come on, was it that bad? I always knew she was a big fan of yours, but I can only imagine..." Billie hold her breath for a second to try and stop another wave of laugh, before leaning in slowly and whispering mockingly into his ear " _Black-eyed groom_."

He groaned and looked back at her, frowning "I would really appreciate if you won't joke about that matter. It was uncomfortable enough for me when I was a mere-human. She would always try to get my attention any way possible and _we are not discussing it_."

The smirk she had on her face was wiped away immediately after hearing his implicative tone and she shook her head instead, trying to get rid of the pictures her imagination started to provide her with.

"Anyway," she continued after a few awkward seconds of silence, "what should I call you? You _do_ have your name back after all, but I never got the chance to know it."

The Outsider froze in place and considered her question for a moment before answering "You won't be able to pronounce it. The language has been long lost to the time and forgotten, so even if you try to say my real name, I doubt you'll succeed."

"Can you say it at least, so I may be the judge of it?" she raised her eyebrow sceptically.

He then proceeded to say a single word that did not sound like anything she heard before, leaving her more confused than anything. Although she did try to find a similar-sounding name from the ones she's heard so far in her life.

"In my mother tongue it meant "The chosen one". I'd rather change it to the more common name to better fit in my new acquired life, as well as avoid any recognition among people," he said after seeing her expected puzzled reaction.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, each lost in their own trail of thoughts and ideas, until Billie spoke up again.

"I have one that think might fit you just fine. I used to know one man from my childhood, an older brother of Deidre. He was the one to provide us with shelter until the day his sister was murdered by Duke's brother. Never saw him since..." she hummed thoughtfully, eyes filled with renewed sadness "his name was Adrian."

The Outsider smirked knowingly, before looking back at the night sky now fully covered with stars "a fitting name indeed."

He noticed the growing feeling of weakness in his body and realised just how tired he was from everything that happened to him today, but he still had some questions to ask before turning in for the night.

"What now? Where should we go? After all, I never thought of a single possibility to walk among people once again and I have no family left, respectfully. I have nowhere to go. Nobody is waiting for me."

"I have just an idea," Billie smiled, looking him over and taking out the map from the second bag that was laying next to her "we are going to Dunwall. To the Empress. I need to pay her a visit anyway and thank her for everything she's done for me," she then emptied her pipe from the ash and tucked it back into her coat "She may help you as well, I'm sure of it."

He smiled at the sentiment and closed his eyes thinking of possibilities that may arise after his arrival to the Tower.

 _"Oh how the roles changed. Now you are truly my superior, Emily Kaldwin, and I will be at your mercy..."_

xXx

P.S: the original name I picked for him would have been _**Eloi** (lat.) "The chosen one" in reference to his future fate._

P.S.2: _ **Adrian** (lat.) - "Dark one"._


	3. Short Notice

_**~Not an update, but a notice~**_

Dear followers and readers, I deeply apologize for the lack of updates (for 6 months), it was not my intention to make you wait this long.  
I'm posting this notification here and now instead of update to keep in touch with you and explain what was going on in my life for the past half a year. Please bear with me.

I did not abandon this work, I literally had no time to keep writing it because of all the drama going on in fandom and real life.

Firstly, as I've mentioned before, I study in the university and I have a little free time to spare on working on this story. I study veterinary medicine which is very hard and time consuming as well as I'm also attending self-defense courses due to recent...events. I had to (and still need to) pass a lot of exams that were due, because if I hadn't done them, I would have been kicked out. I have literally no support from neither my family nor friends (only one, but we can only talk through Skype once per 2-3 weeks).  
I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and the only living thing that is holding me tight in this world is my dog. I'd be gone without her.

Second of all, about the fandom drama. I've seen so much hate circulating around Emsider ship on Tumblr and it affected me too but only partially. What really drew me away from Dishonored was the fact that my art ideas were stolen and shamelessly posted by other, more popular artist who's now recieving all the appraisal from it. Not only that, but also only today I found out that someone else stole the name from my fanfiction and used it in their own work on Ao3 (proof).

I'm very emotionally exhausted from it and on a verge of literal suicide, but I'll try my best to manage it.  
Hey, no one said life was easy, right?

Anyway, I know there are quite a few of you (which left me speechless from joy and happiness because I never expected to receive much attention) who's signed up for the updates and I'm very surprised to see that people are actually enjoying this story, despite the fact that I see it as a total failure full of mistakes and also grammar (again, not a native English speaker). I felt very obligated to inform you that this story is not abandoned just yet, I'll do my best to update it in few days/weeks (chapter 3 is almost done!) and once again I'm terribly sorry to keep you waiting for so long.

With love, Schwarzennwolf. 


End file.
